7th dream

Everyone said I'd have some strange dreams during this pregnancy... and that I have! I'd thought I'd share a few of the ones I've been able to remember.

I remember they started as animal dreams. The first odd and vivid dream I had was set in a seaside village and with channels of water connecting the ocean with the village, almost replacing streets, it seemed. I remember spotting Orka whales in the bay and seeing them fighting and eventually suffering some kind of massacre/mutilation. I began swimming the channels back into town to avoid the blood and carcasses, but the tides were pulling the awful scene into the village. At one point I remembered being completely engulfed in blood and guts. The disgust and matter of fact of it were simultaneous and I eventually was fine, climbed my way out.

Another early pregnancy dream was simply me watching a baby cow try to nuzzle an infant sleeping in it's stroller. The cow was cat-like in its attempt to be affectionate and gradually tried to climb into the stroller with the infant.

A few that I especially enjoyed were when my belly was translucent when a bright light was shown from one side. I remember a few times having this dream and being able to see the baby's position and rub his little head through my belly.

Once I dreamt, that just for a brief moment, I had removed the baby from my belly long enough to see it was a girl and then I put her back. She's not a girl.

A recent dream I had was a bit more amusing. I was being analyzed by a young lady who was a very serious participant in a dance related event. And she asked me to answer a few questions and then was going to give me some feddback. One of the first things she said was I needed to engage my abdominals a bit and added that I was a bit lax in addressing this area. I responded I was pregnant, in fact, 9 months pregnant! To which she replied, "oh, really? Gosh, how old ARE you? You can be much older than me!" "Well, I wouldn't know," I said. "How old are you?" "25".... and I laughed...."I'm 35" at that point she got about telling me her assessment. That I would need an E-F to the G ratio above HIJ and that this would really need a lot of massage oil. And that she didn't know if it would be worth it. Another dance/body analyzer came over when she heard this and asked what was the problem. My girl remarked that everything was in order and it was all because of my smirk. (hmmm, was I smirking? perhaps....) This second lady began to ask me a few questions and concluded that yes, a subtle smirk had in fact been detected. Maybe next time they won't ask me to hold in my 9 month pregnant stomach!

baby gear 101

All I can say is that the mommy network is amazing. I believe we have been given, handed-me-around, or loaned everything we could possibly need for this baby. It started with the 3 huge boxes we were sent from my cousin, baby bassinet, bouncy jumper swing, regular swing, bath tub gear, body wedges, co-sleeper, and clothes and more....
and then the mother's and my dear friends began lining up what could be passed on and temporarily handed over to fill in the gaps of what we need. At this point we have spent no money and we have a co-sleeper for the beginning and a crib for later, a car seat with stroller, baby carrying slings of various styles and mechanics, a good supply of cloth diapers, an electric and manual breast pump, a changing pad, a bath tub, 2 actually, a diaper bag, toys, an electric swing, moving chair/bassinet thing, "boppy", a play yard, clothes for the first 9 months.... and then there's everything we've been given... diapers, bottles, onesies, more clothes, toys, baby food processor (cool), first aid kit, diaper changing gear, memory book, 2 glider chairs (one for Andrew and one for me!)

I am feeling so incredibly fortuneate that the material needs are here and we will be able to enjoy this new baby without the worries of how are we going to afford this baby!

I am a new member of this group, but what an honor! I feel especially supported and privledged. And I imagine the gratitude here is just beginning. I'm already looking forward to how I will be a contributing member! How to expand this momasphere to reach more mommas.

final word-Complete

I had my final ultrasound today. And it's definitive, complete previa.
That's that!

the extended family

Last night the Demings hosted a dinner/pot luck for Deming-Birdy friends Emmanuelle, Hilary, Joshua and, of course, Hugo! This was primarily for Michelle and Hilary and Manu to meet as they are helping to throw us a baby shower for Philly friends! But what a sweet night it was. The Demings made halibut, currently Andrew's favorite fish, we brought mushroom risotto, and Hilary made one of her killer salads, and Manu and the family brought dessert!

And we had a lovely time, relaxing and making friends, catching up, watching Hugo meet/play with Boyne, the dog. And when Hugo saw the tape measure it was serious play from that point on. He and Andrew measured door frames, table heights, dog tails, floor boards, complete focus all the way up to dinner.

When it was time for dinner, the tape was put away but not removed from Hugo's memory. Oh what a tricky thing it is to distract a child with full sights set! And although we tried to hide it, to seduce him with yummy food, it wasn't enough to break his love affair with the tape measure. And after a while of trying it seemed only reasonable to share our meal with his new best friend as well.

And we did. One big happy extended family.

My 3rd opinion ultrasound! My Ongoing Nightmare

It is inconceivable the degree of stress all these appointments create in my world. I am fairly even keel and try to roll with the punches, but I feel like the amateur boxer in the ring with Tyson. Oh, my head!

I have been looking forward to this day for 3 weeks now. This will be the day that sets the record straight! Where the world is Jillian's placenta? Complete? Partial? Marginal? Mobile? Rooted? Hopeful? or Resigned? I arrive to my familiar location at 8th and Spruce. Dr Sehdev is still away; good third opinions need 3rd parties. I check in and mention I need to add my ultrasound report from Bryn Mawr to my chart. And then it begins....

What's your name?
When's your appointment?
hold on...
They are truly insanely busy with hardly a second to breathe?
What's your name?
Ok, when did you have an appointment?
Can you please step aside so I can help this lady? thanks.
(Oh my god... What's happening?)

"It says here you canceled you appointment."
Impossible.
"It says you called to move your appointment to the 21st and then called back and canceled it."
Impossible.
"You called on April 1st and called again and canceled.
IMPOSSIBLE!
I NEVER CANCELED THIS APPOINTMENT! IT MEANS TOO MUCH TO ME!
(Oh my god! Why is this happening?)

and yeah,
there I am with 2 ladies with no time to breathe telling me this is the story and they're sticking to it.... There's just no time today, completely overbooked already!

And I can see it coming.... "just call this number and schedule for another ultrasound" yeah, right for when? the week before the baby's due?

"No," I say. I 'm going to see Lynn and see if she can't help me somehow.
And that's what I did, I walked one block away to see Lynn and knew she could fix this.

And she was great!
She talked to me for nearly an hour. And made a call or two and we both played detective trying to figure out how this could have happened. I knew what I knew that I had never called to cancel and she knew what she knew which is even though they are kind of nuts "over there", they're pretty on top of things. Hence the notes about me calling and me rescheduling and me canceling.

After looking and looking in my agenda, comparing dates and erased penciled in appointment dates, I began to put it all together. April 1st would have been the day I was told by the Bryn Mawr Birthing Center to get another ultrasound. I would have been calling everyone under creation to try to get that appointment. Everybody but Penn Hospital. But I did call HUP and I did schedule with them and then I did call back and cancel because I had found one for earlier at Bryn Mawr Hospital. And as I have since learned, HUP and Penn Hospital, although different locations, with different, charts and phone numbers for scheduling, are essentially the same. When I book for one it as if I book for both or the other.... which is what happened. Instead of scheduling me for a NEW appointment at HUP and keeping my original appointment at Penn, they "moved" by appointment to an earlier date (without confirming) and then when I called back to cancel, they did just that. They canceled the appointment and I was without my follow up ultrasound at Penn. The one that now seems so incredibly important.

I need clarity and continuity and that appointment.

Lynn sent me home and I waited.
And when she called, she called with good news. I have an appointment for Monday!

Ok, maybe everyday counts here! Four more days for placenta migration!

intact or cut? that is the question

God this pregnancy bit is good training for parenthood.
Andrew and I have had so many discussions regarding so many topics so far. And the top most difficult ones have been whether or not to get an amniocentesis and if we should circumcise the baby. Andrew has been a solid YES from the beginning and I had been a clear NO until this week and doubt began to course through my veins. Everything in my being is opposed to humans mucking around with what mother nature has put in place. I have always my highly suspect of the medical industry as a whole in general. Trusting to my own body to inform me as to what's right and wrong. Trusting the body's ability to heal and trusting that nature has created humans as evolutionarily perfect. I believe that which needs to be modified is changed over time and naturally evolves.

It's amazing to me that this little piece of skin creates such an interesting and somewhat emotional debate. I imagine most men in the US are of the mind set to have the skin removed. And as such, Andrew isn't unusual. Most of my friends who have male boys now have decided against this procedure. Which I find refreshing, fathers and mothers, deciding that this is an unnecessary procedure that has plenty of negative consequences: poor cuts, infections, skin bridges, cut too much, cut too little, they typically do not use any form of analgesic and have to strap the babies down so they aren't accidentally cut. Baby suffers but the doctors don't consider the procedure very dire and so don't bother with pain preventing steps.

All this and that why introduce such trauma so soon into this new life? Why subject a trusting soul to an intense affront such as this immediately upon birth? It really seals the deal for me, NO!

After our meeting with Dr Tapper though I have thought I should better research the pros and cons and ask a few opinions about it. The responses on Facebook have been interesting and helpful, especially the men who say they'd prefer to have their foreskin or who'd decided not to cut their own sons even though they were. I think the times are such that more and more people are determining that this is an unnecessary procedure and should not be done purely for aesthetics.

Another point that weigh in on the con side is why remove perfectly healthy skin? I can understand removing infected or diseased skin, but how can the medical ideology embrace a procedure that basically place a tribal cutting ritual in the hospital setting to justify its position in our society?

I trust that eventually Andrew will be ok with this and not place us at odds in the eyes of our child. I think initially it will be hard for him to claim any responsibility to this decision. I know he won't, but I hope that it won't be a point of division for us. I know Andrew and I will have differing opinions on various topics from here on out but that ultimately these differences won't play a huge role in how we raise this child. It seems these small discussions are needed to pave way for the larger more pressing matters. Whether or not we chose to keep our boy's foreskin does not make us good parents. If only it could be so simple.

finding a pediatrician

Well, really it seemed easy enough. Andrew's doctor was Dr Tapper and he LOVED this man. He said he looked forward to going to get his shots! Wow! So this man is gifted with kids. I like that. And it turns out he takes state reimbursed insurance. A miracle! So today we met with Dr Tapper at one of his offices to do a prenatal appointment.

It was mostly to get to know each other and for me to feel him out. Andrew, of course, loves him! He seems conservative and with kids I think that is a good thing. He said things that brought me comfort, like he's not a big user of antibiotics, that he has an on call physician for kids' illness concerns/questions, free of charge. He generally is open to modifying the vaccine schedule, like he'll space things out a bit more if so desired. And he said that circumcision isn't medically necessary, that it is an elective surgery that the parents need to make the decision on. He did say there is evidence that shows a slight reduced risk for penis cancer and slightly low rate of STD transmission in uncircumcised men.

Ah the golden words for Andrew. Medical benefits! I think he and I will be on opposite sides of this fence for a long time. But at least we are in agreement that Dr Tapper and associates will be our baby's doctors.

Another thing off the list!